hell yes lets make some ravioli
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You may now shotgun with the bride
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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