By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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