She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
