I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
