She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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