Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
