she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
