good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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