Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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