3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
