I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
