so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize