he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
