She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
