My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
