2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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