I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
