that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
