Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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