Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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