Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
