His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
