i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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