I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize