i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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