The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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