i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize