what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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