Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
