I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
