She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
