Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
