My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
