I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I touched a dick in church today
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
