My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
