What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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