Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
