you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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