I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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