Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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