Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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