He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
