Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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