i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
