i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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