I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
