My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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