he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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