but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
