All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
