Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
