I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
