I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
