successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He did a backflip because drugs
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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