I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
