all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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