I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
