So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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