If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
