we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
