saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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