i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
