If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
