dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm passing your future prison.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
