My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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