every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
