Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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