his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
