Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
