We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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