She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
