At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
