No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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