I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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