Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
