so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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