Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
