Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
