It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
