You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
