I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize