you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The uberlube is also flammable
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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