She is in my trunk
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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