Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
