Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize