i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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