I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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