How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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