i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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