My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
