I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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